"Presidential Yucks"

We are in the middle of a presidential election which makes me feel yuck! So, since laughter is the best medicine, I’m gonna consider some presidential yucks.
Most of the myriad of candidates are out of the race and it’s down to just a couple of horses in each heat. With all of the idiosyncrasies of the contenders and pretenders, they have already provided us with plenty of fodder for humor and I’m sure it will only continue, not only throughout the campaign, but even after the next inauguration, no matter who it is.
Today we celebrate President’s Day. For over 200 years “we the people” have been entertained by our presidents’ humor or the humorous things our presidents have said or done. Through it all we have survived each one of those elected leaders. If God allows America to last another 200 years, we’ll survive the next 40 some presidents and hopefully we’ll be laughing along the way.
“The human race has one really effective weapon,” said Mark Twain. “And that is laughter.”
America laughed at Calvin Coolidge in his silly Indian headdress and 320-pound William Howard Taft on a pony. “We the people” laughed at Gerald Ford’s tumble into Austria down the gangplank of his airplane. President Clinton looked absurd jogging with his secret service agents and then stopping to eat three Big Macs. Vice-president Dick Cheney went hunting and actually bagged a lawyer.
If it wasn’t what they did, that made us laugh, it was what they said.
President Coolidge once said, “When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.” President Dwight D. Eisenhower said “Things are more like they are now, than they ever were before.” George Stephanopolous once said that President Clinton, “has kept all the promises he intended to keep.”
And who can forget Vice-President Dan Quayle’s great lines.
“It’s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.”
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school, so I could converse with those people.”
Or, at a United Negro College Fund gathering, “What a waste it is to lose one’s mind...or, not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
Of course, those comments illustrate the fact that Dan Quayle was, according to Lloyd Benson, no Jack Kennedy.
This year we have another Kennedy-esque candidate. Or do we? Kennedy cut taxes, got us more involved in Vietnam and was a womanizer. Barak Obama, or is it O’Bama, would raise taxes, wants to get us out of Iraq and seems to be a one-woman man. Maybe he’s no Jack Kennedy either.
Hillary Clinton is running and between White Water, Vince Foster’s suspicious death, Sandy Berger’s hiding stolen files down his pants and Bill Clinton’s boxers or briefs question, which only Hillary, Moncia, Jennifer, Paula, etc. etc. know for sure, a lot of old jokes can be recycled if she wins, besides the inevitable new ones.
On the other side, we have another Arkansas Governor, God help us, still running and John McCain, a war hero sure, but also a man who would be the oldest man to be elected president. There’s some good one-liners in the wings. But, of course President Reagan didn’t think age was a hindrance.
Who can forget his line in a debate when his advanced age had become an issue. “I will not use my opponent’s age and inexperience against him.” The line cracked up his opponent Fritz Mondale on camera as Reagan disarmed the critics by poking fun at himself. Laughing at oneself has been a great quality in a president. Abraham Lincoln had it too.
Lincoln told of his first campaign photo. “I heard a boy selling them on the streets. ‘Here’s your likeness of “Abe” Lincoln !’ he shouted. “Only two shillings! He’ll look a lot better once he gets his hair combed !’”
Lincoln was approached once by a man waving a gun. He inquired, “What seems to be the matter?”
“Well,” replied the man, “A long time ago I swore that if, I ever came across an uglier man than myself I’d shoot him on the spot.”
“Well,” said Lincoln. “Go ahead and shoot me then, because if I am uglier than you, I don’t want to live.”
Lincoln also replied, when asked about his beard, “If you saw me without my beard, you’d think a beard was a good idea, too.”
Hopefully, whoever is elected the next president will be able to laugh at himself and realize that although he’s the president and the leader of the free world, that we will survive him and whatever comical or not so comical things he says and does.
Like an unplanned pregnancy, we may not know what the next presidency will bring, but it is coming nonetheless. We’ve got nine months to prepare for it and, hopefully, as we experience the birth pangs, we’ll keep our sense of humor. It’s our most effective weapon.

February 15, 2008 05:13 pm