The angel Goldenrod walked into my favorite bar and plopped down beside me. He ordered a Black Russian, which he dispatched quickly, and called the bartender to refill his glass. The bartender was ahead of him, having had a revelation.
Goldenrod was introduced to the world on March 2, 1969, in a column inspired by the Higher Authority. The angel fell short of my expectation.
Herein, we give a detailed portrait of Goldenrod, which will greatly disappoint those of you who think of angels as pure creatures, wearing robes as white as driven snow; wings, both mighty and beautiful; and shiny halos.
We commence our description with the robe, which was grimy, with tears in it in no particular order – just tattered. It may have been nibbled on by a plague of moths.
His robe reminded me of an off-the-rack, cheap suit; similar to the involuntary choice by an editor (me), who though paid a meager salary for his “fake news,” nevertheless, was required to deal with politicians, business people, etc.
Goldenrod’s halo was tarnished, dented, and propped at a sharp angle on his head; not through any fault of its own; but being preferred by the angel, who regarded it as jaunty. Had it been a baseball cap, the brim would have been turned to the back.
Feathers stuck out at fantastic and grotesque angles; he got them from a dealer down under, if you get the drift; certainly not from the celestial parts store. Dirty as his robe, the prospect of efficiency in flight was difficult, to be generous.
“What do you want, Goldenrod,” I asked, which was a valid question, given his absence since 2008, when the newspaper, citing my impending 65th birthday, sent me away, in the wake of a big party. I feasted on a large cake, surrounded by fellow workers, who said they would miss me. They gave me a Leatherman knife.
When that was done, a couple of gorillas threw me into the alley.
“The Higher Authority wanted to set something straight. White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed that God wanted Donald Trump to become President of the United States. The Boss says she is, in the manner of the modus operandi of the White House, lying.”
I was stunned, having been convinced by Sanders, that God, indeed, wanted Trump to be president, though, I wondered how that could be, given the president’s propensity to tell – let’s put it mildly – fibs; not to mention being a rampant narcissist, braggart, calling critics disparaging names, and dispatching emissaries to pay off women.
“That is unbelievable,” I gasped. “So, Trump was not endorsed by God?”
“Of course not,” the angel replied. But, the Boss wanted Nancy Pelosi to be Speaker of the House. She sure kicked Donald’s arse (an archaic word for you-know-what).”
Where are you going? I asked. “Don’t worry,” replied Goldenrod, “I will be back to rescue you when those Make America Great Again guys come for you after they read this column.”
Harry Reynolds can be reached at reynoldsharry1943@gmail