So, this guy walks into a bar in Manhattan in New York during the “Happiest Hour,” wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. Of course, there was only one thing the bartender could do – tell Mr. George Piatek (might as well be formal) to leave.
In an effort to make this a little more dramatic and, being a fervent believer in fake news, here is my account of what happened. The bartender told the bouncer, who goes by the name “Mr. Bone Crusher" to rough Mr. Piatek up, and throw him out of the bar.
The bartender received an enthusiastic applause from the patrons, who did not vote for President Trump. Geography, after all, plays a large role in one’s political inclinations.
Mr. Bone Crusher, being a compassionate man owning a kitty cat named Fluffy, called an ambulance. The last we heard of Mr. Piatek, one bone was not broken and he is expected to be out of ICU in about six month.
The matter went to court, and the judge (who had a big tab at the bar), ruled that there was nothing “outrageous” about throwing the president’s supporters out of bars. In any West Virginia bar, wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat, and carrying a placard reading “I love President Trump,” is mandatory attire.
So, a gay couple walks into a bakery in Colorado to have a wedding cake made. A certain Mr. George Phillips, a devout Christian who takes the Bible literally, after learning the sexual proclivity of the couple, refused to bake the cake, citing his religious beliefs.
The gay couple took offense, which is understandable, but I also understand Mr. Phillips’ position. The couple lodged a complaint with the Colorado Civil Rights Commission, which ordered Mr. Phillips to mend his ways.
Rather than telling Mr. Phillips to “make the d--- cake,” the bureaucrats, being their nature, ordered the baker to never say no to an order for a cake. It would be interesting for the subscribers to this newspaper, to read the full text of all the other requirements.
And the fine people, who work at this newspaper, would do just that, were it not for millions of trees that would have to give their lives. The newspaper delivered to your doors would require the services of forklifts operators.
During the six years, Mr. Phillips fought the order in court, both he and the gay couple were threatened. One example will suffice: “Die, you scum. I am loading my shotguns and AR-15 – and by the way, what is your address?”
Mr. Phillips lamented the six years the case took to reach the Supreme Court, his orders for cakes plunged. Meanwhile, the front of his shop was a favorite hangout of gays. They did what angry protesters do.
Last week, the Supreme Court ruled in Mr. Phillips favor, which naturally – according to all the experts, cable news (excepting Fox) – he lost. The average American does not understand how a win is a lost.
If you are confused, just call the ACLU.
Harry Reynolds can be reached by email at email@example.com